Edition 4 - When Leaders Get Hijacked

Dear Leader,

A few years ago, I was heading the business unit in an earlier organisation, ourCEO, randomly, during a meeting with my team said, “Let’s have a quiz about our new product.”

Instantly, I felt my throat tighten, heart race, and anger rise. My mind went:

“He’s testing me too?”

“What if I fail?”

“What will my team think?”

While a colleague beamed with excitement, I spiralled into self-doubt. Her joy had nothing to do with me, but I was hijacked by my past stories.

That moment I understood something -what we feel in the moment is not always coming from the moment. Sometimes, something older from the past gets activated.

And when it does, it does not ask for permission. It just shows up and takes over too.

In those moments, you don’t stop being any less capable as a leader, but you do lose access to that part of you.

Your body reacts faster than you can think and your mind justifies the reaction and thinking as valid.

But if you slow down and reflect, some people, moments, tones affect you more than others. You feel surprised at your reactions later and feel how did that happen?

That’s a grab, a trigger that throws you off-center. Something in the present activates an old pattern in you. You can recognise a grabby the intensity of the reaction. It is usually stronger than what the situation requires, it happens instantly and is familiar.

Grabs aren’t just emotional. They're physical, mental, and deeply wired into your conditioning. They can distort who you are in a moment.

Not every reaction is a Grab –

Eg- Your manager gives critical feedback in front of others – you may feel offended and defensive.

A major deal did not go through – you may feel tense and worked up and you may even feel agitated.

A client publicly questions your teams integrity – You may feel defensive and embarrassed.

These reactions match the situation.

Grab is when the reaction is bigger than the situation and faster.

Eg- CEO said, let’s take a quiz – my reaction was of panic and anxiety

Someone gives a mild feedback – You feel attacked or shut down

A coachee of mine would erupt with uncontrolled anger if anyone told her, ‘You are a woman you cannot do it’.

A grab does not always show up as an outward reaction. Often it looks like internal shutdown. 

You may go quiet or hold back, you may withdraw, you may take longer to recover than the situation warrants.And that is when it begins to matter, because in those moments something shifts in your leadership.

Decision quality may drop, you may under-contribute when you need to the most, you may not show up fully when it matters.

Not because you lack the ability but because something else has grabbed your attention.

The work begins with noticing.

Not fixing.

Not controlling.

Just noticing.

Leadership Practice -

Over the next few days, watch for moments where your reaction feels immediate and strong.

Pause and ask yourself:

“What just got activated in me?”

Stay with that question.Don’t rush to answer it.

Awareness is the first important shift we make.

Next week, I will share a simple way to work with these moments from the N.O.I.S.E. model.

Warmth,

Sheeja

Executive Leadership Coach | CEO, I Create

Letters to a Leader | For those who know strength begins within.

www.icreatecoaching.com